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Sunday, January 18th, 2009
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  Yay! I'm a little freer today so i'll update. School's just started and December was like... a whirlwind where i barely got time to even sit down. And I haven't even listed my resolutions down! (okay okay, i've got it down in a private notebook thing but you know, it's kinda customary to have it on your blog too...) Hmm, but it's been quite okay so far, I mean, there are nights where i only got to sleep like 1.5 hrs and papers to mark already and tons of research to do but it's been really pleasant thus far. I got to watch Ponyo! (It was awesome!) And I've had free tickets to so many events! So I've watched Cinderella the musical, Twilight and The Reader and all for free! Hmm, I shall not comment on the unfortunate circumstances surrounding my last show -- honestly, i never knew!! I was absolutely enthralled with Cinderella and its songs and for Twilight -- im kinda glad i went for it although i almost backed out of it even though it was free. Hmm, i think the only thing that saved the show was the really good cinematography and the cute protagonist Edward. Some parts of it were REALLY laughable, some parts of it treated the audience like they were dumb and for the most part of it, it was like a staring movie where the couple made eyes at each other. Haha. I think this is the only movie where i burst into laughter as the movie ended. Haha... why oh why? Why are my students in love with this? Sigh, although i've got to admit, the movie is really geared to teenage tastes: high school setting, popular kids, forbidden love, hero saves damsel in distress, love is all you need, cute actors and cute new prototypes of vampire (what kind of a vampire glistens in the sun like a diamond?). Seriously, would the movie really sell if Edward Cullen looked like Edward Scissorshands and they were outcasts and realised that love is not enough for the real world? I think Twilight might just be a teeny-bopper version of Wuthering Heights. Seriously people (yes, im talking to you rgs girls who stalk my blog -- don't think i don't know) set your taste higher and read Wuthering Heights! (Sigh... Alright alright, don't tell anybody, although everyone thinks the movie sucks and some parts of it are really sucky, i secretly kinda like it. It's impossibly romantic and im a stupid geeky die-hard romantic -- are you happy now?)
Okidoks, i've digressed long enough... Day 5!
  Heh, we planned to get up by 8am and out by 8.30am but we were a little lazy and so we slept in a little longer. Heh, finally got ready and out at 10am i think and went to the convenience store to purchase my Metlink Ticket (we could use this for trams and trains) and later to Safeway (think Giant) for a cheap breakfast.. we found glorious crossiants and bread twists for 99 cents each! Woah! I bought 3 and finished 2 of them whilst walking to our next destination. I think im a changed man when i come to melbourne. I eat a lot, love to bathe and considered jogging to beat the cold. Owell, like what they say, it's winter and calories don't count! (Cos we burn them off keeping warm anyway!)
Later went to the Royal Botanic Gardens but we didn't actually walk the gardens. Went to the Shrine of Remembrance instead, to remember the soldiers who died during WWI and WWII, and also during peacekeeping missions. (i know, it sounds ironic but yes, soldiers do still die in peacekeeping missions) Wondered around aimlessly for a while until we realised there's a tour at 11am. Waited at the lobby and finally went to ask the guide when the tour is starting. He (a nice old man, probably someone who retired and now volunteers at this place) told us to watch a video with the school kids who just came in and afterward to find him. So there we went and then he led just us for our tour! Woah, personalised service! i felt like a royal visitor with my own personal tour guide and we didn't have to share him with other people at all! And we could ask him all the questions we want! And he was really nice! So he took us along and at many parts, i thought abt Band of Brothers and sometimes i felt like tearing, but of course i didn't. So malu. And he pointed out so many things to us that we probably would not have understood the significance of if we just ambled around aimlessly. I liked this tour. I think everybody should come to this Shrine of Remembrance for once in their lives. What was quite special was this plague.  Every 11th day of the 11th month at the 11th hour every year, the sun's ray would enter the building and shine on the word "Love". This day was the day that they proclaimed the end of war. But the veterans remembered the efforts of those who never made it out of the battle field. And so they built this shrine even though they were going through the Great Depression at that time and money was certainly scarce. It was really touching to see wounded soldiers with bandagers and broken legs, hobbling up the stairs to remember their friends who didn't make it back (in the video). And every half an hour after 10am every day, at this place, they conduct a special service of remembrance with a ray of light passing though and of course, stopping at "Love". What was even more astounding was that people entered the war voluntarily. They weren't even forced cos it's not compulsory and people still went. Truly, greater love hath no man than this that a man lay down his life for his friends. I thought this place made the verse a little more significant to me. How deep and how true! How profound the words of the bible in this simple verse!
   Here's Shulin looking at one of the exhibits. And here's one of the various badges that they give to soldiers who did a lot for the war. Hmm, I also snapped a little shot of the Flanders Poppy. It is the flower of remembrance for the war effort as these were the first flowers that sprang up in France the moment the war ended.
  Went to meet the rest at Sushi Ten later cos the housemates were raving abt this fantastic sushi place that after you've eaten the food there, you'll come out happy and smiling and... haha, dopey. Was quite crowded but true to their words, the suhi was GOOD. Can you even imagine this that the fish is bigger and longer than the rice?? And the fish covering the rice is so fresh!! We all just rushed in for the kill and forgot to take pictures and by the time i remembered my camera, it was all gone. We ordered 2 soups, 2 dons (katsu and toufu) and 2 sushi platters and all of us only have to pay 10 bucks each!! WOAH!! And the soup was really really very very good -- lotsa ingredients and taste was marvellous fantabulous.. and it's only 4 bucks!! eat it with rice and you have a full meal!! I now see why Sushi ten makes you happy and smiling and err.. a little dopey. =) Haha, Wai Ye is testament to how good the food is -- she doesn't even bother that I'm snapping away and Jo-ann is testament to the dopey effects the sushi gives!
Steph then brought us down some shopping arcades and tiny quaint streets and architecture was fabulous and i love all those quaint little streets that we walked on!! Had marvellous belgian waffle. Shopped a little at Spencer street before returning back but i guess it's probably not very memorable cos i can't even remember what i saw!
Hmm, i thought, though, that i'll end my entry with these two photos. They're one of those memorable shots by James that i never quite forgot. (Thanks Jamesy!)
Here's where you can see them more clearly:
[The Unknown Soldier] http://flickr.com/photos/deivorytower/635586368/
[Kohima Poem] http://i61.photobucket.com/albums/h70/deivorytower/Travels/IMG_0275full.jpg
[Woah, this certainly is a labour-intensive entry. Can you imagine I spent almost 3 hrs just trying to format this? I think this is the entry with the most amount of pictures!]
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Tuesday, December 16th, 2008
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 [Hmm, apologies for the no-show after 3 days and yet another 3 days and yet another 3 days...and yet... you get the drift. Work has just started for me and well, it's been quite a tough time adjusting. =( Maybe i shall talk about that in another entry but first... DAY 4 OF THE GREAT MELBOURNE ESCAPADE!!! (Okay folks, i know i owe you BIG TIME after my no-show for so long, so i shall give you an entire overload okay? 1 per day! There, are you appeased? =)]
 Woke up early. Packed up and created 2 cute videos abt my uncle's family. Heh... Aunt fetched me to shu's apartment and shu was late in meeting me!! But owell, no worries. Came to her apartment and it was payback time!! Video-ed the mess of her apartment, hahaha! Okay lah, to her defence, it was just after exams and she was up till 4am cleaning the apartment for me! Heh, saw lotsa food lying around though, cabbage, fruits, biscuits. One good thing abt melbourne: Ants don't come cos it's too cold for them!! Hehe, also met shu's housemates: Wai Yee, Jo-Ann and Steph. Really fun and cool gang, taking care of each other, really nice ~ [Edit: really wanted to put up the video but i think i was laughing too manically so it's pretty irritating after a while so i didn't. =) Heh, shu should really count her blessings. *winks*]
Went down later to Shu's uni cos she had to finish some stuff and also because i wanted to see her uni. Melbourne is a place rich in cultural history and the architecture of the buildings are great! Light was good so we took a lot of pictures!! I think it's wonderful studying in such a beautiful school rich in history. Shu took me to the medical library and explained to me the various parts of a disgusting preserved head/ leg. Im glad im not a doctor. I don't think i shall ever try to be one.
 [Sorry for the bad photo on the left. Lighting was really really BAD. But i thought it reminded me of Alice in Wonderland so i took it. An art installation in the midst of the uni, so cool!] After that went to Smith street hunting for bargains from direct factory outlets. Walked for a loooong time before shu realised we were walking in the wrong direction!! But it's okay lah, we found vintage shops and treasure troves where you discover really cool stuff that you can never find in Singapore. Saw a really nice crumpler bag for 60 bucks. Wonder if i should get it for mum. Hmm, i shall sleep on it. Finally found the DFOs and hmm, okay lah, wasn't THAT impressed.. mostly sport stuffs but there were other cool shops around. Went to the sweet shop and got Reese' Pieces, i now understand this postsecret:
 Went back (shops close at 5pm.. so early!) But the walk back was good. Refreshingly cold but sky looked nice and it was nice experiencing life there as a local as you walk along the same footpaths as them. I kinda liked being here cos everybody dress different and you don't have to worry abt not fitting in. Nobody calls me a skinny alien here. (I felt much freer to be myself and not be self-conscious that im too skinny... i don't really like the uniform look of Singapore where people mostly dress the same and some even stare at you when you dress different -- over here i could look however i want and be who i am and not be ashamed of my thinness -- of which i can't really help.
 Went back to the house and then for CGF bible study and had to introduce myself again for the third time. URGH. I hope that is the last. Discussion was okay, people contributed but i kinda thought we were a little off topic. Owell. Fellowship was really nice here. People make an effor to talk to you and once again, food was good. =) These are the food which the housemates made (food was mostly potluck) Muaha, it taste fantabulous and i think they have redeemed themselves of their messy ways! Went out with shu to give Heidi some stuffs, Shu slipped a card of encouragement along with the gloves that she passed on to Heidi, i think that is admirable in encouraging others in your own small little simple way, I shall do that too. I think it's a good habit to cultivate. [For the visually confused with regards to the photo below: Shu's the one on the left and im on the right! So cool right? Hehe, i thought it was a super duperly cool picture!]
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Wednesday, July 23rd, 2008
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 [Heh... sorry folks for the lack of updates. i know all you peeps were stuck at day 3 of my trip. You see, after spending the whole time lugging my camera around and whipping it out at any photo-worthy moment, i thought i'd take a rest from RECORDING my trip to ENJOYING my trip. So my eyes became the camera and my memory, the film. That accounts for the lack of photos from day 8 onwards. As for the lack of updates during my time in melbourne, heh, besides frantic shopping with nary a time to breathe, shulin and i realised, when we came back to the apartment after the winter camp (we didn't bring our laptop there too), that all communication channels have been cut off cos we were due to check out in a couple of days time. So that meant no phone line and no INTERNET CONNECTION!! AARRRGGHHH!! So now you know. (it's okay folks, i survived.. we just lived like neanderthals for the rest of our time there)]
But before we move on to the next instalment of the Melbourne Saga, let's have a pause and check out some other big event that happened in my wondrously fantabulous abundantly exciting life.
TA-DAH! 
MY GRADUATION!!
[aaaaaarrrrrggggggghhhh.... why did i have to put on 3 kg during my melbourne trip just before my graduation ceremony where so many cameras are clicking simultaneously?!?? my cheekbones are gone!! i blame melbourne!!]
So, the day has finally arrived. Although i was waiting for this day, i think my parents were more excited about it than i was because... i don't really know, they don't have to fork out money for my studies anymore? It’s a mark of achievement for them that they had successfully funded my educational path? Or maybe, the prospect that this is payback time (literally)? Oh well, i think i was more happy that i have no more excruciating assignments where i continually stare at a blank page with nothing to type, no more frustrating confusing group work (and worrying if you have competent group mates and about group dynamics), and most of all, no more tiring exams where fingers fly from start time to end time, or mind-boggling ones where... uhh... the mind boggles. Hmm, although i think I’m gonna miss the 3 month long breaks and FCM and chilling out with my friends at the olive cove and... well, the fun part of student life i guess.
But reality hits. One stage of my life has ended and another is beginning. And before i go on to the next stage of my life, i think it'll be worthy to look back on how God has brought me through. To reflect, to meditate, and to think on God's goodness and the lessons that He had taught me – that these lessons, together with its fruits: faith, trust, patience, and hope, may prepare me for the next stage of my life.
In essence, I thank God for my smooth journey through, but i thank God more for the rough bumps along the way, because it is through this bumps that i experienced more deeply, (or more 'obviously' for someone like me who takes things for granted) the grace of God. And through my student life in NUS, these three lessons stood out the most:
1. Not to run ahead of God
2. Take a stand for what is right, no matter the consequence
3. Everything is a choice. Be convicted in whatever you choose.
 As i was pondering what to write and perusing what little bits of journaling i had made of my student life for the past three years, i realised i had made many plans and often, i wondered if God was in the equation or if I had placed my will before His. This one incident stood out: I was planning to go for an exchange program for a semester in Sweden/ Ireland/ Australia/ Norway/ Finland. (They call it the SEP: Student Exchange Program) My grades were quite alright and i was probably just sucked into the excitement of living the life of a poor student in a foreign country and experiencing life elsewhere (and thinking of nothing else but that – recall the words 'sucked into'). I was very excited and made many plans, such as taking SEP loans, checking out courses, calculating expenses -- all of which were legitimate except that i had forgotten to seek the Lord's will. No, rather, i had sought the Lord's will but i did it merely to appease my conscience; my mind was already made up. In the end, God had to stop me in my tracks by giving me a D in English Language (how ironic when I'm majoring in English Literature!) which, suffice to say, made me ineligible for SEP. Caught up in my excitement, i had ran ahead of God, tried to do things my way instead of God's way, and was unwilling to submit my life into God's hands. Now, i learn: don't run ahead of God, REALLY seek His will without your mind being made up already and fully submit your life to His leading.
 The second incident was quite recent. In my last semester, I was involved in a compulsory play module whose nature was... not very edifying, athough the director was Christian. We can't really do much because we were students and this was a lecturer and the module was compulsory for graduation. Although i thank God that I wasn't involved in too much of it (i was just doing costumes), the much time that we had spent slogging together for it, bonded all of us and made us really close. So much so that, when the time has come for me to make a right decision, it became really hard to do the right thing. You see, after our compulsory module has ended, an opportunity arose for us to tour another country, Shanghai -- for free! I had to make a decision whether or not to follow and had a hard time debating within myself and justifying myself for going (hey! im only doing costumes!). But after some serious discussion with a fellow sister-in-Christ in the play and another sister in church, and humbling myself and giving serious thought to it, i decided eventually not to go because the play itself was immoral (nevermind my part) and a Christian ought never to be found involved in this. And now that i have a choice, how can i enter this immoral play knowingly? So even though my heart ached (a lot and a lot) i made the decision not to go... i guess sometimes, the hardest decisions made are also the best ones. I think some of my friends weren't too happy, I might have offended some more friends, my bad grade could have been because of that, but because i made that choice based on my conviction, i had no regrets no matter the consequence -- which brings us to our last point.
Above all, i learnt that everything is a choice. I can choose to submit to God or run ahead of Him, i can also choose whether or not to stand for what is right. I can choose to seek God or the world. I can choose to while my time away or do something profitable. I can choose to edify my brethren when we meet or talk about something else less profitable. I can even choose if i want to remember these lessons and apply it to my next stage of life. I can also choose if i want to be serious Christian and grow up or remain an eternal babe in Christ. Everything is a choice. In university, i learnt most of all that, the best decisions i made, are convicted ones.
 (in case it sounded too formal -- actually all my entries are kinda formal -- this testimony will be printed in our upcoming issue of FCM's newsletter. i just thought i'll kill 2 birds with one stone anyway cos i've been wanting to blog about this personal milestone in my life too.)
okidoks, melbourne post coming up in 2 days time! =)
deb
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[Haha, okay so this is a bit late... paiseh. But owell, i kinda realised that im spending too much time recording my trip instead of enjoying it so i played more and took less pictures.. haha, but no worries, you'll only see the results on day 8 onwards.. haha, yup readers, that's right, i've finished writting till day 7! But of course i won't release all my entries together, that would be Melbourne Overload! Okay, enough enough, day 3!]
So Damien was supposed to meet me at 1030am in the morning. The key word here is "supposed". He came at 1120 instead. Ahh, sigh. But owell, that's damien for you.. okay lah, forgive him lah huh... it's punishment enough for him to have to spend the whole day with me... and i got to eat breakfast! Yayness, 1 more step forward to become fatter in the "Fattening Debbie" Program!
And then since it was a bright sunny day, we had a minor dilemma on whether should we go to the beach or to Mt Dandenong.. haha. So damien to want to go to the beach. hur hur. But we went for the latter instead cos i wanted to see the villages up there (i luuvv those quaint ol' villages!) and after a long scenic and beautiful drive, we reached! (haha, i was girlishly ooh-ing and ahh-ing along the way) =)
 And so we reached and the first stop we came to was a chapel (haha, cos it looked so pretty and i wanted to see what their sanctuary was like!) So we went in and then realised that it was mainly for holding weddings! So then Damien had to open his big mouth and ask, "So, you do weddings here huh..." And then the old guy started talking to us as if we are a couple and then he asked damien if he has proposed!! AAARRRGGGHHH!! SO EMBARRASSING! So damien said no, then the guy turned to me and asked why hasn't he proposed and why don't i pop the question instead? AAARRRGGGHHH!! MEGA SUPER MAJORLY EMBARRASSING!! What was I supposed to say? I can't? We're not? Not me? So i just said "Err... no..." and then he pressed somemore and asked "why not?" And i was stammering like... err... err... AAARRRGGHHHH!!! SUPER MAJORLY EMBARRASSING!! And all i could say was like... "err.. hur hur.. no..." (and then damien was sniggering in the corner... SO EMBARRASSING!!)
 Haha, so then we continued on and i loved all the shops over there!! So quaint so cute! Didn't take much pictures cos i didn't want to look like a japanese tourist.. haha, i insist im a melbournian's friend. Haha, wanted to stop by Mrs Marples for tea, but kinda went by it in the end cos damien said he didn't feel like eating scones... but it looked like such a cool place! Shall return if i can. We saw cool shops, an 1910 doll's house (it was really big and vintage!) and did other stupid stuff/ goofed around like try on silly hats.. haha! [Edit: Everybody in church asked me if i went to Mrs Marples for their world famous scones cos they knew i went to Mt Dandenong... AAARRRRGGHHH!! DAMIEN CHOONG!! ALL YOUR FAULT!!]
So we drove somemore and finally came to the peak of the mountain. Glorious view. But actually, the drive up there was really really much nicer. Sunlight was flitering through the brown leaves and tall woodland trees. Road was quiet. Drive was peaceful and damien wasn't speeding so i wasn't that worried abt skiding off the cliff and dying on the 3rd day of my holiday. A pity i couldn't take the pictures of the drive, he was driving too fast lah.. haha, but thankfully not speeding. He mentioned that he and his buddies last time used to race at the mountain at night and that there was actually a haunted house up there! Hehe, so scary, although i kinda wondered what australian ghosts look like.. you know, do they have blonde hair and wear white english petticoats? Yeah. when we reached the top, we had to pay 4 bucks for entry and they gave us a map with all the cool stuffs to do, like find the giant's chair, the secret garden, percy's possum house and the wishing tree. Haha, we found everything but the percy's possum house, and were half considering to go back and ask for a refund cos we couldn't find the house!! haha! So funny! Oh, we couldn't get to the secret garden as well cos it was closed for maintenance. bleh. but i peaked in and it was really really like the secret garden in the book "Secret Garden" i think. A pity i couldn't see it, i would have so loved to see it for myself! We saw the wishing tree too, but i couldn't really think of a wish, so i told damien that i was going to think abt my wish first and when i finally had one, i shall go back to the wishing tree and wish it.. heh, never finished thinking abt it though, so we left without me wishing anything!
 Then Damien brough me to William Rickett's sanctuary! A really cool place with sculptures made by this guy. So lifelike! So aboriginal, so new agey, so creepy at times cos they seem so real! And this guy had weird beliefs i think he was all a conglomeration of hippie, hindu/ buddhist, christian, new age and mother nature thingy... stuff like that.
 We had fun admiring the different sculptures and okay lah, i shall conceed that damien has a much better understanding of art than i do.. (although i can't believe it!) he could see stuffs that i couldn't.. haha, like i look at a sculpture and say this guy is flanked by 2 possums with ferns swaying in the background. He looks at it and says, no, this guy is flanked by 2 lyrebirds. The "ferns" behind are their tails... and you know what, he's right. Sigh. how can i be beated by damien choong?
Oh, my fingers froze half way (okay they didn't exactly freeze, just cold) so i wore gloves and i couldn't press the camera button after i put it on, haha, so damien took the rest of the pictures for the trip, haha, so funny! We saw cool inscriptions too and had a really cool time deciphering everying! Haha, we also saw an inscription to Brother Billy (probably his fellow naturalist/ hippie/ hindu/ buddhist/ christian/ new age fellow-in-cahoots) but it was so funny cos we immediately thought abt Billy, Weerapong Harichaikul! Hur hur hur! So funny! And we were laughing abt it the whole time! Can you believe that everything was made of porcelain and attached to rocks? And they looked as if they were carved on the trunk itself!
 Heh, after that we ate nice nice lunch at some place -- beef with baguette and gravy and some greek thingy (do u know damien likes greek stuff? Why is he so weird?) And i ordered hot chocolate again. I still can't forget San Churros. They beat them hands down. O melted goodness of chocolate! And then after that we went to see Puffing Billy -- the steam train! (Haha, and again we thought of Billy Weerapong Harichaikul! So funny!) We didn't get to sit on it though cos it was the last train but it was really cool to see it huffing and puffing like a real train!! And all the smoke and the whistle and the train announcements and the bus conductor -- so cool! Oh and since it became quite cold, i realised i could make smoke if i blow the air! So cool! Had a fun time with damien teaching me how to make visible puffs! Haha! That was awesome!
 Finally, it was kinda late, so he just drove me to a nearby mall and we window shopped till they closed (this one closed at 5.30pm instead of 5pm! we had 30 glorious minutes to shop! Yayness!) Didn't buy anything but it was fun walking at coles, the supermarket cos i had a secret fetish for supermarket window shopping! Haha, and i found out that damien uses Garnier Pure Deep Cleansing Wash!! HAHA, why does he use such a sissy girly brand? I thought guys normally use guy brands you know, like NIVEA MEN or BIORE MEN or... you know, something men.. but Garnier? The pretty packaging does not help.
He sent me back to my uncle's house after that and it seems the family has not arrived home as yet. House was cold and i thought the heater was auto, so i just crept into bed and waited for myself to sleep, huddling, shivering and hiding under a quilt. Haha, they came back after a while and they were kinda surprised as to why is the house so cold and why didn't i turn on the heater.. bleh. So malu. Dunno how to use heater.
 What's worse though was after that... went to the shower (boy, i LUVV showering in melbourne where it's cold and the water is hot and it's so shiok after showering! body adjusts to temperature and you feel... warm) And so went to do my bathe. Water was good, warm and inviting until i finish washing my hair iwth shampoo. Slapped on some conditioner and wanted to wash it off until i realised the water is getting colder, and eventually became very cold. I DID NOT TURN ON THE HEATER!! AAARRRGGHHH!! And it's in the middle of winter and im dripping wet with conditioner in my hair. HOW HOW HOW? I could do 2 things: come out with dripping wet hair and a towel wrapped around myself and turn on the heater (which i dunno is which button and where) at the risk of my uncle seeing me OR grit my teeth, rinse my hair with the cold water, towel myself dry, put on all my clothes, act as if i finish showering, turn on the heater and return to shower. Heh.. i chose the second in the end. Came out, tried to figure out which button was the heater button. Went back in, undress and stepped back into the shower. Water was still icy cold. Gave up. Towel myself dry again, put on my PJs and washed my face with warm water from the tap. Bummer. Note to self: Always make sure you always find out which is the heater button and whether it's on before you shower. (Yea i know, i could've asked my uncle but then he's gonna ask me how did i shower without the heater on? what was i gonna tell him?)
Heh.. thus concludes day 3!!
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[Yay! Finally have internet access! Shall post entries (mostly day-by-day records) on my great Melbourne Adventure/ Escapade/ Holiday/ Fantasy/... This shall be my portable scrapbook! Coolness!)
 Day 1 of Trip!
Yipee!! Am finally here. I hereby swear that i will never ever sit Tiger ever again!! (okay lah, i take that back for short distance trips. okay fine, i shall not swear at all.) Well the trip to Darwin was great, i had a whole row of 3 seats to myself to sleep on. Problem though was that i had 1 annoying kid sitting/ standing/ playing/ jumping right behind me and i could really sleep at all cos she was thumping around behind my seat and knocking on it (heh, im glad it's just her though, her twin's on another row of seats diagonally behind me -- and they make noise... a LOT of noise..!) haha. What's worse was: my flight was from 6pm to around 10pm. So i tried to sleep immediately when i got on the flight. But of course i couldn't cos lights were so bright on the plane. So after 2 hrs, 8pm, i got up and decided to read. Then once i started reading, they dimmed the lights and the whole planeful of people went to sleep. ARGH. Murphy's Law. Transit to darwin was smooth. Auntie Eileen scared me on the way to the airport by horror stories of terrible transiting in Sydney that cost Shu to miss her connecting flight, put up at a hotel for which the kitchen was closed even before she checked in and opened after she check out. (FYI, she checked in around 11pm. Kitchen closed at 1030pm and opens at around 6am but she leaves at 530am.. so that's no dinner and no breakfast either!) But thankfully, transit in darwin was SMOOTH. Met cool people too! like a quirky 85 yr old man who was once a pilot and some old ladies. Heh. Flight from darwin to Melbourne though was terrible. Squished beside fat people (but the lady beside me was VERY NICE, just fat, which is not very good for cramped tiger seats) and had to sleep sitting up. SUPER UNCOMFORTABLE. coudln't sleep well. neck ache. Touched down at T4 which wasn't even a proper terminal!! Had to walk down from the plane -- we weren't sheltered at all, and it was 7 degrees!! and then had to wait for my uncle to fetch me. he was late and he went to the wrong temrinal!! AARRRGGGHHHH!! had to bear the cold for a few more minutes, then had to walk to the terminal that he was waiting for me while he walked to mine.. hehe, we met halfway so it was okay. =)
So reached his house. Cool place!! Nice garden with a lemon tree (lemons were already ripe! wonder if i could take some home) and cool flowers like lavender and roses and his kitchen and decor was country.. nice!! had a cool fireplace also! (okay what an oxymoron, i mean a REAL fireplace) and fantastic pictures of him and his family hanged all over the house! WOAH. So he made me tea and after i finished the first cup, i suddenly felt like puking. haha. we originally had plans for breakfast... but i had to go lie down and rest for a while. Sheesh. So malu. (haha, did u know that when i laid down to sleep, i still could feel as if im up in the air!) My auntie says it's common after a long flight. So when i was well enough, we went down to Chatstone to shop and shops were soo cool!! They were having a sale too and it's MUCH better here than singapore and i found my size right away!! A nice grey turtleneck that i tried for fun.. and then my generous auntie bought it for me! Haha, so cool.
Came back after shopping. tried to rest but my vivacious cousin (she's only 8, pretty cute when you're not tired but a little annoying if you are cos it gets tiring to entertain her) wanted to play with me so didn't get to rest much. Went for dinner when uncle and family and family friends and had a good time. Food was really good. and i had black sesame ice cream on my first night in wintery Melbourne. Heh, i think temperatures were like 5-10 degrees. Haha! Then after having dinner with them, all of them came back to my uncle house and had a second round of coffee! Woah and their kid was playing with my cousins (girl eight, boy six) and i SOOO wanted to sleep but couldn't. couldn't even find a quiet place to rest. and after i found a quiet place, my girl cousin (Caitlin) came looking for me!! AAARRRRGGGHHHH!! so i had to tell her firmly that if she wanted to stay with me, she had to keep really quiet. and whilst i was doing that, my auntie came in. uh-oh. haha, i wonder if i looked fierce cos then she told her daughter not to disturb me and told me to go rest first.. haha. So i rested for a while until the company left, washed up, and then called shulin! Slept early.
Ooh, this is the little portrait that we did for each other. Haha, here's my picture replete with my terrible hairdo, my pmples and my protruding singular tooth. Thanks cousin! i drew a nicer one for her though... hmpf!
Day 2
Church today! Really funny. Was in the car with the whole family. Then told my auntie and uncle that my friend (Damien) was picking me up for church (cos my uncle and aunt lived far away in a really ulu place). My eight year old cousin, Caitlin, then asked:
Her: Is your friend a boy?
Me: Uhh... yes.
Her: What's his name?
Me: Uhh... Damien.
Her: Is he a Christian?
Me: Uhh... yes.
Haha, she's worse than my mum! My mum never interrogates me on boyfriends or whatever at all! Hahaha, and that from an eight year old girl! and the last question.. hilarious! My auntie and uncle were sniggering quietly in front.
 Met Shulin! Had to stand up in the front of the whole church cos i was a visitor. So malu. haha. refreshments were good. we had cakes, raisin and chocolate muffins and vietnamese spring rolls. Yum! Then after bible class, went to city gospel fellowship for the afternoon service. Had an hour to spare so we went to jalan jalan around melbourne! Streets looked so romantic and european with their bare winter branches and stony sidewalks with vintage buildings! LUUVV IT!! Shu showed me this cool place called SAN CHURROS and they served MARVELLOUS THICK HOT CHOCOLATE. DEEEEELICIOUS. THICKLY THICK. CHOCOLATEY CHOCOLATE. GOOD AROMA. NICE AMBIENCE. We wanted some churros too but it was pricey at A$7.90 so we went for a good cuppa hot chocolate and shared it. haha, A$5.20. Well worth my A$2.60! 
Went back to CGF for service. The preacher talked about Jacob, All of Jacob. Like his whole life story. Like from Gen Chap 14 to 40. Woah. But it was good because he reiterated impt points and they were drummed into the message. The bad part though was that he used quite a bit too much of allegorising in front which was a big no-no in biblical hermeutics. Food was good again. Forgot/ didn't know if i'll be coming back for dinner so i didnt inform my auntie and uncle. came back quite late. they left something for me to eat and told me to inform them next time if im coming back for dinner in a very very extremely nice way. they are really nice. finished dinner (i was still hungry after refreshments at CGF!) and took my first bath on a cold wintery night in melbourne. Ahh. warm. inviting. good.
going off to bed now. Looking forward to Mt Dandenong tmrw!! =)
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, August 21st, 2007
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When days are blue and dreary, you've come to realise that Ben and Jerry are most probably the two most reliable guys on the face of this earth.
O for a pint of Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough!!
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, November 15th, 2006
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I thought, as i watched the trees whiz by in window of the taxi, do i really need 2 deaths to wake me up from my wanderings? what was grandpa like? Breadwinner. Provider. Hard life. But he enjoyed it later. Favoured boys. Died without Christ into a hopeless eternity. Why didn't i tell him the gospel? How to tell it in teochew? Probably wouldn't listen to me anyway... Why didn't my uncle do it since he's first-born, got a dick, and such a good profess-or of christianity? You know grandpa wouldn't listen to anybody else less than his frst-born son... O God, do i really need 2 deaths to bring me back? And as images passed by in the window of the taxi admist the still silence of family members trying to make sense of the sudden yet expected passing of grandpa, i wondered what have i been doing with my life. how we pursue things that don't matter in the end. how we neglect the things that matter. And the thought that perhaps it's time to return after my wandering.
Reached my grandparent's house in a couple of minutes only to find grandpa sitting in the kitchen eating a bowl of porridge with what seemed like vegetables. False alarm. what an alarm. they said he got really dizzy after taking some medication of which they thought were symptoms of dying. Owell. at least it gave me a time of reflection sorely needed yet never realised.
Do you ever realise that sometimes, the world just passes you by? Some rush to catch up with it, "Carpe Diem" they say... Some waste it on You Tube watching endless comedic videos which kill time, relieve the boredom and make you forget the life that you're supposed to be living... Some get obsessed with obtaining the unattainable, upset over things temporal, uptight over things of little importance and ignorant of things that matter. And some muddle through their lives, living through life though not knowing what living or life truly means. Perhaps it's time to return after my wanderings.
On a separate note, my lit lecturer asked if anybody would like to visit Ireland (for a sem i suppose) and i immediately raised up my hand though the thought of going for any student exchange programme hadn't crossed my mind at all, and though i don't really think i'd be financially able to anyway (well, he did ask if anybody would LIKE to go, not if they're able to). But just the idea of going for a student exchange programme and ireland for that matter -- the land of poetry, of harsh weather, bogs, barley, beer (haha!), the accent, funny happy people, lots of four-leaf clovers, the idea of new horizons, new places, new experiences! How i wish i could! After all, we only go to university once. Well, perhaps i guess, if the Lord wills. But if not, i guess it'll be far better staying here... probably be miserable there. O but how the idea fills me with excitement!
My theatre studies lecturer on the other hand, filled me with a sense of disbelief. Having been sworn off horror movies ever since i've caught "The Ring" by Hideo Nakata when i was secondary two (mind you, i was quite a fearless girl back then -- actually im still quite fearless now too -- back then, i watched quite a number of horror movies since primary 6). For 3/4 of the show, i was totally cool about the whole thing.. while my friend was clutching my arm for every seat-jumping, butt-clenching moment.. but was totally caught off-guard at the last bit of the show due to the false ending. After that, i went cold turkey and never looked back. Haha, the image of Sadako crawling out of my tv haunted me for quite a while. And then my lecturer selected not only this Japanese version but also the American version as one of my texts which is completely unnerving. That means i have to watch the very thing that got me to stop watching it. And then i had to do a paper, and there was nothing else to choose but it, which means watching and re-watching and even jotting down lines to quote, and then typing them in your computer in the dead of the night, one eye on the screen and another on every single reflective thing in your room, the mirror to the left, the back of your head (if that's possible), the slightest noise or bump in the night, and trying to battle the creepy notion that someone is watching you from behind, or waiting for you when you open your door to get a drink from the kitchen... covered with long hair. Eww. Creepy. Isn't it miraculous that he had chosen this movie out of a kazillion others? This is like striking the lottery 10 times with the same number. Consecutively. Hah.
Went to Dolous, the missionary ship that sells hundreds of books -- Christian, secular, literary, scientific, DIY -- and came back with unexpected finds. Bought a little children's book that cheered me up immensely. Reminded me quite a bit about A Snoodle's Tale from Vegie Tales. Maybe i'll post a little something from the book, it's called Questions from little hearts:
What is God like?
I can't see you, God,
So please give me a clue:
Do you look like me,
And do i look like you?
Are you big or little? Are you short or tall?
Can you really see me when I am so small?
Do you like to whisper? Do you like to shout?
Can you sing or whistle? I'd like to find that out.
Are you strong or gentle? Are you ever sad?
Do you have a temper like me when I'm mad?
Where do you live? In a house in the sky?
How do I know you are somewhere nearby?
Do you love me always, or just when I'm good?
I don't always do things the way that i should.
I have lots of questions to ask you like these.
I wonder if maybe you'll answer them please?
You're looking for answer?
Then here's what to do:
Just turn to the Bible to find out what is true,
And listen to everything i say to you.
You won't find a picture of me in a book. There isn't one person who knows how I look.
But don't be upset that you can't see my face. You can look at my work in this beautiful place!
I've been alive since before time began; I made the whole world by my very own plan.
I'm as tall as the heavens; Im as wide as the sea. but even your hairs are all counted by me.
My voice can be gentle and silent and still. And also like thunder that roars through the hills.
I sing with the waves and the whistling breeze, and joining my song are the hills and the trees.
Im as strong as a fortress, a rock, and a shield, but as gentle as rain falling softly on fields.
When you are unhappy that makes me feel sad. I'm filled with great joy when I make your heart glad.
My anger comes slowly and fades like the night. There's no darkness in me, just goodness and light.
I live in the world and in heaven above. I live in the hearts of the people I love.
For I AM the maker of heaven and earth. I spoke, and my Word brought all life into birth.
I AM like a mother who comforts your fears and tenderly wipes away all of your tears.
I AM like a father who wants to provide, to care for your needs and to stay by your side.
I AM the Creator, the first and the last, I'm the God of the present, the future and past.
I AM the good shepard who cares for each lamb. I AM the Almighty, I AM WHO I AM.
I'll love you forever, whatever you do, for nothing can separate my love from you.
I've loved everything that I made from the start. My world and my people I hold in my heart.
Was thinking the other day on how i always seem to put the cart before the horse, seeing the father before the love, the praying example of a mother before the personal communion with God. Perhaps it's time to return.
debbie
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Comments: Read 5 or Add Your Own.
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Thursday, November 3rd, 2005
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It sure is strange to step into blog-o-sphere again. After such a long hiatus. it feels strange to write again. To rant and rave, to ponder out loud, to feel, to reveal. After all, i would have to be politically correct nowdays, don't I? No more ranting about teachers, people, leaders...blah... not that i even want to in the first place, but isn't it strange to block off things which seem so natural to one? After all, don't humans all rant, have super bad days and then says things you don't mean, don't people ALWAYS end up saying things they don't mean at the end of the day? Sure, these words may hurt... but don't humans do it sometimes? Haha... and then they get fined for doing something so natural... (not that i wanna make a joke abt those racist comments really, i wouldn't make those comments for one..) but it just feels strange to have those 'restrictions' on how you shuld think, what you shuld think... 'right' way thinking...haha, saves the effort of thinking and questioning altogether duncha think? Haha... how ironic... i thought 'critical thinking' in education was meant lead you to start questioning stuff. i guess we must also have the 'right' way of questioning eh? hah.
Now that i've said that... you wouldn't expect me to reveal my heart to the world now would ya? Or even to you. and maybe, even to the people in church. how odd.
With all the stuff about keeping our testimonies aright, always saying and thinking the right things... 'never' having/ showing/ allowing/ revealing a moment which i have backslided, fallen, doubted... because then i would / might stumble someone... how long can i keep up the pretense that i never, or have never, fallen or backslided? how long do people keep up their pretense that everything is right...when it isn't? it seems that sometimes, it takes too much to reveal oneself completely to the world, to your friends, even to your parents, maybe even to your other half. Maybe that's why we all need a mask, maybe that's why we all need secrets.
Life's been really busy thus far. Whoever said that university life is a piece of cake must have had a different cake. but overall, i do like it, lectures, tutorials, assignments, projects, practicals and all. Most of all, i like seeing so many different people in school, people who are not afraid to show what they stand for, people with different ways of dressing, people with different thoughts on stuff... i somehow like the idea of meeting new people every day. it's great. and im really enjoying my modules too, though im really disappointed that no one in church is really accepting of my modules. i guess i can't change their point of view.. i just don't understand why people says there's nothing wrong with biology (with all that evolution theory) and then questions my choice of theatre studies and english literature. people are okay if you take science, law, or engineering, or architecture, but tell them you take the arts, mention the word 'liberal' arts and then people start raising their eyebrows. So now there's a 'right' course of study? Sure, lit might have more philosophy embedded in it, but it doesn't mean im gonna accept it just as much as those in life sciences don't have to accept the evolutionist theory... sure, i might have many gays and lesbians as friends in theatre studies and the lecturer may recommend plays with 'full frontal nudity' or homosexual themes but it doesn't mean that somehow through that im gonna suddenly become a homosexual, or that i have to watch those plays. anyway, aren't there many other areas in which gays and lesbians also appear... for that matter... i guess they shuld also ostracize those in the civil sector too, since they are now 'more open' to homosexuals. im just feeling a bit sad that everybody questions my choice of study, as if i haven't thought about the environment which i'll be exposed to, as if i haven't thought about prospects, as if im really dumb, as if my choices are wrong... as if it's wrong to like theatre studies and literature.
Am i really going to care about what you think? No i am not. Im not being stubborn. You made it this way.
debbie
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Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, December 30th, 2003
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hmm...i guess i better write this before the new year starts... if not, it'll be a little too late...
I was
SWEET SIXTEEN
Now, i am
SAUCY SEVENTEEN
But i am going to be
ELIGIBLE EIGHTEEN!!!
Muahaha.... something i thought of, i thought it's quite amusing, don't you think?
Just a little bit disappointed that i can't attend Rev Das Koshy's class on Proverbs coz it's something which i really really really wanted to go, since i've always liked Proverbs. Zuhui even offered to send me to and back from class, and was even willing to subsidise my fees...(albeit only a little, but it's the thought that counts). Owell. Nevermind. Perhaps it's just God's Will that i can't go this time, but im sure He'll definitely offer something better, all i have to do is just to wait and see. I have great expectations from God because i know that He definitely will not disappoint me. "He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things?" - Romans 8:32 And God keeps his promises.
The New Year beckons. i am seriously dreading it, but i believe the Lord will carry me through it. Im just really really dreading the A'levels. Im also dreading returning to school, not because of the people (in fact, i really do like my school mates a lot...) but because i know that in this busy year, it is inevitable that i'd lose focus on God and lose my bearings. But God is faithful, i may be weak, but He is strong and if the good Lord wills, he will help me and keep me in his fold. "... My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness..." 2 Cor 12:9
Genesis 24:27 "... I being in the way, the Lord led me..."
debbie =)
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Comments: Read 4 or Add Your Own.
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Monday, December 8th, 2003
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hello people, im leaving off for my youth fellowship camp for the whole of this week...haha, all the way in Bedok!! So i don't think i'd be posting anything much this week... the next too, coz by then, i'd be leaving for teens camp... but don't worry, my beloved dear readers... i will promise you loads and loads and loads of entries when i get back (just don't cry when you can't finish reading it)!!
But before i go, i'd just like to inform you that my church is organising a gospel cantata, so if you people are free, i hope you people would come to know more of the gospel.
Date: 20th December
Time: 4pm-6pm
Place: Calvary Pandan Bible-Presbyterian Church Sanctuary
(P.S. if you're taking a taxi there, just tell the person 201 Pandan Gardens,,, but if you'd like to save on the $2.40, you can also just go to jurong east mrt station, take bus 78, 79 or 143 there and alight around the 5th bus-stop (dunno can just ask bus uncle)...i think... then you will come to this small side opening, go in the small side opening.. (like, you know, one foot up and in) and then turn to the church on your immediate right... and bingo, we're there!)
actually, i can send you people the invitations!! yah, but that's if i know your address...sigh...but i don't... but if you're interested, you can just send me your address to my email address!!!! (P.S. my email addy is in the user info... i hope it's still there...) okie...i really really hope to see you people there...esp jinny, sarah (teo) and lin wei... P.S. jinny, actually i haven't informed sarah and lin wei yet perhaps you can tell them to look here to know the details of this gospel cantata... oh yah... and i dunno if (french pronunciation) jason would be enlisted already in the life-sucking force called NS... (french pronunciation) Jason, do you wanna come too??!! *haha...*
yah, that shall be all... remember to miss me loads!!!!!
debbie
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Friday, December 5th, 2003
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I haven't been writting for a long time. i wonder if anybody noticed? But i guess not, since everybody is so busy with their own lives. Hello journal, i've been wanting to write for such a long time, to write about beautiful and poignant stories i once heard, wonderful quotes i've learnt, to tell you about my day, to tell you about my thoughts, my ponderance, to tell you about my loneliness. but i guess, with so many things to write, i dreaded writting because i know that once i start, i would never want to stop. Aint it strange that writting awakens even your deepest thoughts hidden in that mysterious closet of your heart and of your soul?
i've watched Le Papillion. I always bring something back from every movie that i love, and this one is no exception. There's just this one line i heard in the movie and i never quite forgot it. "Never demand proof of love. It just shows that there is no trust. And when there is no trust, there is no love". I also liked a little paragraph about the yellow canary dream the little girl had, but i can't really remember the exact words. A pity. That experience to Orchard Cathy to watch the movie was quite something. for one, i didn't quite know how to get to Cathay. Then. i went up the wrong entrance (haha, i actually wanted to enter by the exit!) stupid... and some person had to catch me in that extremely embarrassing act and remind me that the entrance is soemwhere else.. Oh well, just shows you how long i haven't been to Orchard. But strangely, nothing much as changed. Perhaps, just the crowd. i realise, nowadays, that there really aint much people in orchard in the morning or afternoon, but they all start streaming in around 6pm...haha, the new clubbing bunch? I also went to Far East to catch a look at today's youngsters hanging there. Aint really impressed, i'd hate to generalise, but from their clothes, most of them seem to be the J-pop anime kinda bunch, every person copying the other, trying to outdo each other by being more elaborate, more... i don't know. their clothes really look kinda yucky more than yuki. Anyway, nothing much in Orchard really impresses me really. Not the clothes, nor the things they sell too... Except a few shops i saw along Tudor Gallery, there was this place selling African Stuff... very very interesting, i saw rhinos made out of dunno-what material (i touched the hide of the rhino... i thought it felt quite real, but maybe it's just leather), then there were those extra tall giraffes ... i think maybe i'd furnish my future home with some things from there, have a safari themed living room or something...haha, or a very wild bedroom. *evil grin*
These few days, i've really been doing the things i really wanna do, along with things i have to do. I've completed my lit and gp assignment; i've only got my history and econs left. i took a few trips to Orchard all by myself, taking time to browse through shops i've never browsed through before, talking to strangers, smiling at people, watching people, doing everything at my own pace and time. i love doing that. i've always thought that shopping is fun only when people do it together, but once i tried shopping (actually it's window-shopping) all by myself, i thought it's better, coz i don't have to wait for people to finish looking at things that they like which i don't, don't have to hang around areas which they like but i don't, don't have to continue talking to them all throughout the way (though i don't really mind actually)... and i can have my meals wherever and whenever i want. i can have all the time in the world to think and ponder my thoughts, to remember the past, to fantasize about the future, to recall lovely people and lovely moments, hateful people and hateful moments, as well as the interesting, exciting and intense moments in my life. Then, i've also tried to have my movie marathon and i finally borrowed all those VCDs that i've always wanted to watch, then i also had my magazine marathon where i read through all the magazines my mum brought home and even cut out all those stunning magazine pictures with all those beautiful people. I've managed to start and finish the entire Autumm In My Heart korean drama serial and i've borrowed quite a number of books and done a little pleasure reading. Everyday, i wake at around 9-10am... and i feel so happy, because i love to see that bright and wonderful sunshine whenever i wake up. im enjoying myself so much, i thought i'd never get attached, or married, or even have kids because i love my own personal space too much.
It's such a funny things, but it's as if i have so many different worlds within me. There's a part of me that loves to indulge in the unreal world, a world of the past, or the future, of hypothetical happenings, then there's the other part of me strictly reprimanding me and telling me instead, in enjoy the present, the reality. There's a part of me that loves my own personal space too much and is kind of a selfish misanthropist, but there's also another part of me that cannot stand loneliness, that craves constant attention and romance, that is willing to sacrifice anything for the sake of that illusive word, love. There's a part of me that is naive, childish and kind and soft... but there's also another part of me that is stubborn, selfish and evil, that is scheming, that thinks the worst of every situation and every person. There's a part of me that is responsible, but there's also another part of me that is irresponsible. Part of me wants to be busy as a bumble bee and be cooped up at home studying, cooking and cleaning for all that matters, but another part of me wants to be free and carefree, enjoying my time in the world and daydreaming as if nothing else really matters. Part of me is modest, but part of me wants to take the initiative in sex sometimes. Part of me wants kids, but part of me doesn't because they are such a bother, and i'd hate it for them to live in Singapore with the pressure cooker education system. Part of me wants somebody humourous, clever and intelligent, handsome, tall and dark, but another part of me wouldn't really mind someone else that might be average looking, cute and silly. There's a part of me that abhors suitors, but there's also another part of me that wants people coming up to me, giving me flowers, getting my number, asking me out on a date. Sometimes, i like refined, cultured gentlemen who understand the meaning of chivalry, but othertimes, i think i won't really mind those that are cheeky with me just to get into my pants (though i know they are secretly mocking me, aren't they?). i know i ought only to be attached to church guys and all, but sometimes, i smile at the thought of myself being hopelessly in love with non-christians, perhaps, a Zorro, a Romeo, a Hugh Grant, a millionaire, a movie star, or, haha, a prince?! i sometimes wonder how many worlds are there inside of me. Human beings are such strange creations don't you think? To think that such a minute person like me could harbour such mega gigantic worlds within with bottomless pools of thought.
debbie =)
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Comments: Read 4 or Add Your Own.
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Friday, August 29th, 2003
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In a never-before seen footage, this is debbie tay at 5.07am on May the 30th, a Friday morning, awake and desperately deprived of sleep. Goodness, i never thought that i could ever pull this off, but now that i have, let's hear about it..
I didn't go to school on 29th May because of exhaustion...again. yeah yeah...always the same old excuse.. and besides, i had 3 essays to hand up today. So, on the 29th of May, i woke up at 8.50am, brushed my teeth, washed my face, went to the toilet and then plopped down on the carpet floor and started eating my breakfast and reading the newspaper. I finished around 10.30am, and proceeded to write a diary entry, which u can see so proudly finished at 12.30pm...yes...that thing took me 2 hours to churn out... and so, at 12.30pm...i played a bit of the piano until 1.30pm, which i then proceeded to do my very first assignment of the day: John Smith's Literature Tutorial (Practical Criticism) ... told u i adore him to bits...and finished around 4.30pm... after which i ate my lunch which took me until 5pm and rested for 30 mins..and at 5.30pm, started on my second assignment of the day: Miss D's Literature Tutorial (Antony and Cleopatra by William Shakespeare)...that freakin' thing took me almost 6 hours to complete and i finally finished it at 11.30pm. I then proceeded to take a bath, came out at 12am and then promptly sat down to do my last assignment of the day: Miss Chong's History Tutorial on the Cold War... which i have just finished a few mins ago at 5am.
Goodness, i've been so busy for the past 19 hours !!!! but im quite satisfied with all my work done... sheesh, i've written so much today, i shall hereby proclaim this to be WRITTING DAY!!!! <-- of which the date is 29th May... from this day on, 29th May shall always remain significant in my heart and mind and brain and everything else that moves including this blasted pair of hands which are horribly shrivelled and skinny due to the major workout that they had for the past 19 hours... Thank God for slender fingers...at least nobody would suspect anything...goodness, they are like shaking now...
And for the record, if i count my previous diary entry as let's say...2-3 pages, this diary entry as 1 page, John Smith's tutorial as 3 pages, Miss D's tutorial as 6 pages, and Miss chong's tutorial as 6 pages, i would have written a megafantastically awesome number of ..of...goodness my brain's nort working....of... 18 pages in 19 hours !!!!! Cool dude!
muahaha...the advantages of staying up so early... i have finally accomplished what i've always wanted to accomplish...stay up for the whole night...sigh, that's so stupid. Ahwells, i never fail to amuse myself and my fan club who reads all my diary entries so religiously..anyone wanna accompany me for a cup of kopi ?
Now all of you must pray that i won't faint in the middle of school today..and if i do, let's fervently hope that i will faint into the arms of the most handsomest hunk in the whole of SAJC... Muahahaha....
debbie
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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The stupid livejournal server is not working again...so i have to type my entry using wordpad, which is so not diaryistic.. the font looks different, the whole frame looks different... stupid livejournal...always works when i have nothing to type and when i have something to rant about, it simply shuts down on me. haha... sounds like the bank...gives you money when u don't need it and when u really need help, aggravates the situation by being the most aggressive loanshark ever encountered. I tell you, typing a diary entry, for me, it simply hard work. I have to find the right environment and atmosphere (which is can only be found in my room when it's absolutely quiet..which immediately rules out typing my entries in the sch library computer.. and many occasions when i have the time to write the entry i wanna write, but could not do it coz i just don't feel like doing it.. ie. the wrong atmosphere...) and then i have to have something in my brain that i absolutely must rant about and if i don't, i will just die from brain overactivity... and now that i've got the 2 conditions perfectly laid out in front of me, the computer has to goof up.
Okay, i've finally got it to work...Yipee...and now, i shall return to my angsty state.
I am such a paradox. As Oscar Wilde would put it, "Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth. It is not wise to show one's heart to the world...In so vulgar an age as this, we all need masks." The real truth behind all that feminism seems to be quite a mask. A mask to mask all my hurt, all the pain.. and that fear of being hurt again. One says that she doesn't need guys and in fact, life would indefinitely be better without guys, when in actual fact.. it's just a cover up. Just a tough exterior.
Ahwells, i realise that i am getting to know quite a lot of people in school... so much so that when i walk down a flight of stairs, rushing for my next class, there can be at least 3 people waving or saying hi to me.. err.. most of them guys. Hmm, maybe guys are friendly-er... or perhaps it's due to PESA that i get such a recognition, but, im glad. and happy. Afterall, the mere acknowledgement of my presence by people means that they notice me and i feel that it's quite an honour to be noticed among a whole herd of people stampeding down the stairs. Haha, i've never really had a goal of being popular in school. In fact, i never really recognised that as popularity until grace said that since so many people know me, i might as well be a councillor... haha...oh no... council is the most life-sucking force u'll ever encounter in jc...NEVER take it up...this goes to zy.. yeda... and haha..mebbe joyce auyong if u've reached this point in my angsty rant. Well, it's nice to be noticed, but i am quite determined not to let it get to my head. Instead of being some flirty show-off in college, i think i shall be quite content to stick around my own group of friends and say hello or wave to some really friendly people who really cheer up my day with a brief 'hi'. Sometimes, im afraid that people might mistake the friendliness that people (sometimes guys) show to me and the friendliness that i show back to them as flirting. It's not that i am flirting or something, haha.. arts faculty in sa is just so small, we all practically know each other so very well, and mebbe that's why girls are not inhibited to hang around guys coz we know that there is a really platonic friendship between us. Haha, it's also not as if i only befriend guys or something.. i do befriend girls...quite a lot in fact, but since girls are cliquish creatures, im quite content to just stick around my clique and say hi to those who wanna say hi to me. Hmm... actually, i do know a larger number of girls than guys... im just quite puzzled why i see them less.
Hmm...i had wanted to put that even though i am sometimes surrounded by quite a number of people, i can be quite lonely at times.. Then i changed my mind... but since i've already put it up.. ahwells.. whatever. Yah... sometimes, it's quite true..but only sometimes. Not that the people that are around me are superficial... but perhaps we just haven't really got to know each other really well ..not really acquaintances... but perhaps slightly more than acquaintances...haha... really warm and genuine acquaintances.. Anyway, i discovered that quite a number of people in school have blogs, livejournals and whatever sort of electronic diary thingy. It's quite amazing tor read those diaries of people... i used to have quite a shallow idea of people like haha...rach (yup rach, i know u're reading this!)... and that's why she irritates me 24/7 for the first 3 months of sch (okie okie...kidding!) but eversince i read her diary, i realised that she indeed has a deeper side to her and we connected over that. Lionel yeo too...that councillor... i thought he was a flirt and really has a mega big ego and had wanted to burst his ego bubble... but when i chanced upon his blog..i found out that he's nothing of that sort, just a very nice guy. Haha... i chanced upon quite a few other blogs too... some are quite hilarious... but at the end of the day, im thankful for such electronic diaries coz people can show their true side without directly opening up to me, and it lets me have a chance at getting to know them better!
I keep going out of point. anyway, i heaven't heard from my DD friend Helio for days !!! Dearie, i've noticed your absence from DD for exactly 24 days (that's like 4 weeks --> one month!) are u okie?
Haha...there was this really hilarious incident at the bus-stop. i was sitting at this bus-stop waiting for my 334 bus to come.. u know the kind with a display panel at the back and a glass panel at the sides... so there i was...periodically checking my reflection at the side glass panel when this troop of 3 - mother and kids..male and female.... started walking towards the bus-stop. At first i wasn't conscious of it...but later, i noticed that the guy started staring in my direction...the girl tried quite hard not to stare, but also started glancing and looking at my direction... A bit confused , i returned those curious stares and i hurridly checked my reflection at the glass panel to see if anything was wrong...Then the trio started walking closer and closer to me... and then they started pointing and talking ... then, they stopped right in front of me, and started discussing about the harry potter poster at the display panel right behind me. *jack*
oh..hahaha... i also got this lovebite. It's big, it's red, it's at the right side of my face and it's ugly. It's from one of my kazillion admirers, also commonly known as mosquitoes..haha, and because they are all female, that's why they'll always remain admirers, never lovers. haha...now that's proof of my kazillion admirers! Speaking of which, there's this guy at school who kept pestering my friend stella to introduce himself to me. haha... so, yah, we finally got introduced..but that's abt it. He keeps making a fool of himself right in front of me just to get my attention... somehow, im really not interested coz i think that's really childish...reminds me of primary school when kids did things like that too..Owells, but it's gd to jot this down coz when i am old and have grandchildren, i can show them this diary and say like,"See, that's how desirable grandma was when she was your age even though i look like that now..." =) Oh..hahaha, actually i can say that to elvin now... without the last clause of course...
Then, there was also this incident at the Noodle House at Jurong East. It was after YF.. and both doris and I didn't order dinner...(I didn't order coz i did not have enough cash at hand...but i got no idea why she didn't order dinner... ) So after sending grace and joyce auyong home (i think yeda wasn't there that day...) , i just started asking her if she wanted dinner halfway through the ride home...yah and thus, we proceeded to noodle house on impulse... I didn't have any cash on hand at hand..but i thought that my Nets card should be sufficient. So we had quite a hearty dinner...i even told doris that she can pay me and i can foot the bill with my Nets...hahaha...then when we went to the paying counter..i casually asked if they accept nets...and they said "No!" I was quite shocked... and my mouth literally flew open and both doris and i exchanged dumbfounded looks. I think both of us were quite stunned and were thinking like, "Wah die...have to stay back and wash the dishes already.." and thank God doris brought enough cash to pay for the both of us...haha... so malu kae... and it was just nice ...the bill was $11.53 or something and doris brough 12 bucks... whew~
Kae...that ends my update... haha...finished this in about 2 hours... now u know why i update so infrequently...
Quote of the day:
"The great crisis of our lives are never events but always passions."
To melanie, rach and doris (and the whole wide world out there whom i know would be reading this even though it's not addressed to you!) : I dunno what's it with me and liking flirts. i just found out that the latest one is also a flirt! Sheesh... the good ones are all married and the rest are all flirts... since we've already put one man on the moon..why not just export the whole population of males there...?!!
debbie
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Comments: Read 4 or Add Your Own.
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I actually finished this on 6th april, 12.24am...but i backdated it, so it was 5th april 12.24am, and people can't find it..like *coughs* err..ZY...and yah, i think the rest of the world too. Well.. pardon me if this entry is very very *extrememly dangerously* egoistic. This is far by the only chance that i get to express my egotistic self *not* but really, hope this doesn't stumble anybody. FYI, i shall still strive to continue as my humble self. However, if THIS irritates you, let me know and i shall see what i can do with *you*. Be afraid, be very afraid. I have a shotgun, a shovel and 5 acres of ground at the nearby park. There's no telling what i could, would, and most certainly, do. >=P
i thought this was soo interesting...actually, it was not-that-interesting...I made it interesting! >=)
[x.] Current Clothes: my black sleeveless tee and blue jeans ...i wore this when i watch Oliver at the Esplanade todae!
[x.] Current Mood: im quite happy today..coz *hint hint* i was born on this day...17 years ago!
[x.] Current Taste: Ooh...im eating McFlurry Chocomint now... it's ABSOLUTELY DELICIOUS...BUY ONE TODAY!
[x.] Current Hair: Beautiful, long, luxurious, silky...absolutely breathtaking..need i say more? >=)
[x.] Current Annoyance: i must bathe...wash off all the viruses i had come into contact with today at the esplanade..city hall...church...
[x.] Current Smell: okie...this goes without saying... but then again, im sure SOME people do still smell nice despite them nort bathing... it's something called perfume...of which, im most assured that i have this natural scented perfume manufactured somewhere in my body~
[x.] Current Book: Life, Love and High Marks by Kate Brookes! I finally found this bk! ( hmm...actually, i reserved it... ooh..cant wait to get my hands on it!)
[x.] Current DVD: im currently looking for 'What dreams may come'..so...if u STILL haven't got me a b'dae present...(of which you SHULD have ...im most disappointed and ashamed of you)....that's a beeeg *hint* ! ooh...Oliver was absolutely fabulous!
[x.] Current Refreshment: err...my ice-cream...nuthin' beats a luvly chill on a warm nite~
[x.] Current Worry: hmm.... whether i carry SARS viruses from my romping this afternoon....
On Dating....
[x.] Long or short hair? hmm...very short (The Rock) is quite nice...Short (Matt Leblanc) is very nice...Long (Tarzan) doesn't look really look appealing...and medium (Zorro) looks fabulous only if u have a great face, great body, great style...and if u're dancing the flamenco...unkempt medium length hair looks absolutely horrible on asian people though...like F4..(shudder)...it looks awkwardly shaggy...yuck!
[x.] Dark or blond hair? Either is fine..though i feel that dark haired people (Keagan Kang) have more allure than blondies (Brad Pitt)...
[x.] Tall or short? Nort too tall please.... just taller than me and that shuld be just fine~
[x.] Good girl/boy or bad girl/boy? well...that's a hard one...bad boys are somehow more attractive...however, it's the good guys that makes u stay...Actually, it's nort really relevent izzit? Seems like all the good guys are already taken...what's the point of asking?
[x.] Dark or light eyes? Doesn't really matter...but dark ones are nice... but i wuld accept someone with baby-blue or green or grey or a mixture of all eyes... i'd probably be more busy on the date staring into their eyes than making conversation...
[x.] Pierced or no? absolutely nort! If he's pierced on the right, he's homo...on the left, he's gay! and both ears? He's an absolutely faggot!
On preferences....
[x.] Chocolate milk or hot chocolate? Cold chocolate milk on a warm day (actually i dun really like milk)..and hot chocolate on a chilly day...duh..so easy...
[x.] McDonalds or Burger King? McDonalds during lunch (when i have some money).. Burger King for breakfast and lunch (when i have a lot of money)...
[x.] Marry the perfect lover or the perfect friend? The word here is 'soulmate'...he is supposed to be the perfect lover AND friend...however..since there's no perfect guy...why are we even talking abt this?
[x.] Sweet or sour? Sweet...coz im sweet~ of coz, nort too sweet...too much sweetness is...nauseating.
[x.] Root Beer or Dr. Pepper? Root Beer...totally man.
[x.] Sappy/action/comedy/horror? Comedy! duh...no brainer...( u absolutely know gurls never like horror or action..of coz there are exceptions...) and if Sappy means romantic or anywhere near there...u can count me in too~ =)
[x.] Cats or dogs? I like both. Im nort an animal-ist.
[x.] Ocean or Pool? I luuuv the Ocean...though i haven't seen it in all my 17 years on earth..but i ASSUME it's more breathtaking than a pool...
[x.] Cool Ranch or Nacho Cheese? Nacho Cheese... but hey... Ruffles Masterpiece is the best!
[x.] Mud or Jell-O wrestling? Jell-O wrestling.. (of coz, my opponent cant be too big-sized or heavy..i wuld definitely die ) what better way to wrestle when u can eat and wrestle at the same time!
[x.] With or without ice-cubes? With ice-cubes..especially in the hot and sunny island of Singapore...of coz, if u're taking soup...better nort.
[x.] Shine or rain? Sunshine..glorious sunshine...marvellous sunshine....!
[x.] Winter/Summer/Fall/Spring? For a first timer, definitely winter. For non-first-timers...Spring is the season man!
[x.] Vanilla or Chocolate? don't like both. I prefer Mint, and Lemon Sorbet, and peach Sorbet and lime sorbet and orange sorbet...and strawberry...and pistachio almond...and oreo...there, now u know what to get for me when we get to our Swensen's Giant Earthquake treat...for my birthday!
[x.] Gloves or mittens? Gloves...i've never seen mittens..but if they are prettier and keep ur hands warmer...then it's mittens!
[x.] Eyes open or closed? Open...i have BIG beautiful eyes..of coz i must open them for the world to appreciate...that goes without saying...no brainer again.
[x.] Fly or breathe under water? Breathe under water...why fly when nobody else is flying? u cant meet superman...but u might most definitely collide with the airplane instead... and u gotta wear jeans all the time...can u imagine girls flying with skirts or dresses? all the perverts will be there to support u ....
[x.] Bunk-bed or waterbed? waterbed...haven't experience it, but anything is definitely better than a bunk-bed..unless u count the cold hard ground..or the moist and soggy earth that is..
[x.] Chewing gum or hard candy? hard candy... i think candy canes are the best!
[x.] Motor boat or sailboat? Sailboat. It's more romantic on that right?
[x.] Lights on or off? Off...duh~ if the lights are off, it means the surroundings must be bright enough to provide light..which means it's probably in the day. so probably what the question was getting at is whether u prefer the day or night! im soo smart.
[x.] Chicken or fish? Do u count frog legs? i think they are deeeelicious!
Have you ever..
[x.] Fallen for your best friend? fallen for Doris??? pardon me but april fools' day is long over.
[x.] Made out with JUST a friend? im priceless...not cheap.
[x.] Been in love? If i have been, do u think i'll still be single and unattached? but that doesn't give a single notion on how attractive i am though...i must be too attractive, too eloquent and too smart and that's why guys get intimidated...it must be so.
[x.] Cheated on someone? well...nobody offered himself for me to cheat on~
Have you/are you/do you....
[x.] Considered a life of crime? hmm..if u're talking abt some super high-tech professional thief like Tracy and Steven (dunno what's their last names) from Sidney Sheldon's 'If Tomorrow Comes'...or Leonardo Dicaprio in 'Catch me if you can'...yeah. But i figured i wuldn't last long on the job. wuld most probably trip over the dog first.
[x.] Considered being a hooker? hmm...if u're talking abt nicole kidman in moulin rouge...absolutely nort. Geishas....nope too.
[x.] Considered being a pimp? Yuck. That was revoltingly disgusting.
[x.] Are you psycho? No...are u?
[x.] Split personalities? that wuld mean...a more obvious form of hypocrite....well...as i've mentioned earlier in one of my entries before... everybody is a hypocrite..it's just how well they conceal it.
[x.] Schizophrenic? Do u count paranoia?
[x.] Obsessive compulsive? Im ultraly possessive. However, my brother doesn't care. he continues in using my computer. *how utterly passive*
[x.] Panic? well..im sure paranoia produces panic...so mebbe just a litte...but in a very very very mild form..
[x.] Anxiety? nahz....if im panicking..it leaves no room for anxiety...are u trying to trick me or something? that's another no brainer!
[x.] Depressed? Hmm...nope. Im GENERALLY a very happy person. any depression could be easily slept off.
[x.] Suicidal? i was once. that was in p5 or p6...but after im saved, no more of those crazy thoughts again.
[x.] Obsessed with hate? Don't be crazy...why should i do that for? That's a total wastage of brain space and emotion space. and yes, i do have a brain and i do have emotions!
[x.] Dream of mutilated bodies, blood, death, and gore? i dreamt once of floating dead bodies inside the esplanade theatre....and i've also dreamt of somebody impaling my head (or izzit my back) with a spear...and i've also dreamt once of.... why do i dream of dying people?
[x.] Dream of doing those things instead of just seeing them? are u crazy....thou shalt nort kill extends to thou shalt nort kill thyself!
[x.] Understanding: if u're my soulmate, i would be able to understand u as well as u understand me. so if u dun really understand me... then forget abt it. =)
[x.] Open-minded: Depends on the situation and circumstance. Open-mindedness is a normative thing...it's relative. what open-mindedness means to you may not be what open-mindedness means to me..
[x.] Interesting: Definitely..hello...it's ME whom u are feasting ur eyes on now?!
[x.] Hungry: nort really. i find eating a chore...which is a good thing and a bad thing when we go on dates. i don't eat a lot, but the things that i eat are mostly quite expensive...if u're treating, that is.
[x.] Friendly: absolutely...i'd simply nort 'friend' anyone who disagrees...
[x.] Childish: do u think im childish? if u think so...u're probably the childish one! *sniggers*
[x.] Healthy: duh...i haven't caught the SARS virus...i think that's the best thing i've ever accomplished! ( with the help and grace and mercy of God, of coz)
[x.] Difficult: if u irritate me, i culd make life so difficult for u...u might as well wished that u have never walked on the face of earth~
[x.] Attractive: Definitely... dun you find me attractive? I can still see your eyes feasting on me!
[x.] Thirsty: now? yah...can u buy me an iced lemon tea? the canned one from SEASONS...i think it's the best brand of ice lemon tea...nort the mcdonalds one....
[x.] Responsible: I take absolute pride in handing up my tutorials on time...what do u think?
[x.] Sad: nahz...im nort really a sad person...so i feel kinda strange when i cry...i probably dun look nice when i cry too...
[x.] Happy: yup..im more of a happy person ( that goes without saying...) and that is why i smile so much...and i think i probably look even more gorgeous than i look now when i smile coz the smile simply lights up my beautiful face!
[x.] Trusting: Quite. but it takes discernment to know who to trust too. That, i shall have to be aware of.
[x.] Talkative: If we cliche, yeah.
[x.] Lonely: err....sometimes there are periodical bouts of loneliness..even when there are huge grps of people surrouding me...esp at night.
[x.] Floss daily? err..no.but i brush daily!
[x.] Own a webcam? nope...why shuld i let pple see me for free! people shuld pay to see my beautiful face!
[x.] Ever get off the damn computer? for one thing, my computer is nort damned. for another thing, i do have a life and it's not my computer. This computer is nort my life. ( if it's yours, u must have quite a miserable life..) I can survive without this computer and this computer can probably survive without me too...(my brother is already lavishing enough attention on it...) u fickle-minded computer...i knew u were two-timing me all along! wait till i get my hands on the Pentium 10 when it arrives...hmpf!
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Comments: Read 6 or Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, April 2nd, 2003
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"If I were in heaven, Nelly, I should be extremely miserable."
"Because you are not fit to go there, " I answered. "All sinners would be miserable in heaven."
"But it is not for that. I dreamt, once, that i was there."
"I tell you I won't harken to your dreams, Miss Catherine! I'll go to bed," I interrupted again.
She laughed, and held me down, for i made a motion to leave my chair.
"This is nothing, "cried she; "I was only going to say that heaven did not seem to be my home; and i broke my heart with weeping to come back to earth; and the angels were so angry that they flung me out, into the middle of the heath on the top of Wuthering Heights; where i woke sobbing for joy. That will do to explain my secret, as well as the other. I've no more business to marry Edgar Linton than i have to be in heaven; and if the wicked man in there had not brought Heathcliff so low, I shouldn't have thought of it. It would degrade me to marry Heathcliff, now; so he shall never know how i love him; and that, not because he's handsome, Nelly, but because he's more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same, and Linton's is as different as a moonbeam from lightning, or frost from fire. Nelly, I see now, you think me a selfish wretch, but did it never strike you that, if Heathcliff and I married, we should be beggars? Whereas, if i marry Linton, I can aid Heathcliff to rise, and place him out of my brother's power."
"With your husband's money, Miss Catherine?" i asked. "you'll find him not so pliable as you calculate upon: and, though I'm hardly a judge, I think that's the worst motive you've given yet for being the wife of young Linton."
"It is not," retorted she, "it is the best! The others were the satisfaction of my whims; and for Edgar's sake, too, to satisfy him. This is for the sake of one who comprehends in his person my feelings to Edgar and myself. I cannot express it; but surely you and everybody have a notion that there is, or should be an existence of yours beyond you. What were the use of my creation if i were entirely contained here? My great miseries in this world would have been Heathcliff's miseries, and I watch and felt each from the beginning; my great thought in living is himself. If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be; and, if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the Universe would turn to a mighty stranger. I should not seem a part of it. My love for Linton is like the foilage in the woods. Time will change it, I'm well aware, as winter changes the trees -- my love for Heathcliff resembles the eternal rocks beneath -- a source of little visible delight, but neccessary. Nelly, I am Heathcliff-- he's always, always in my mind-- not as a pleasure, anymore than i am always a pleasure to myself-- but, as my own being --..."
--Wuthering Heights, Emily Bronte
Someone once asked me what kind of a guy i would want my boyfriend to be. I could not explain at the spur of the moment. It sounded so weird, for i have never thought about this topic before, and it isn't up to me to 'custom-make' a boyfriend that could suit my every whim and fancy. But if i were to have someone, i would wish, that he be like what Heathcliff is to Catherine. Someone who would fit into my soul like 'lock-and-key'. Someone whom you will go to hell for and rise to heaven with. Someone whom i cannot be complete without.
I have debated for quite a long time whether to put this entry up. For i know that once i start entries of this genre, or topic, whatever... others would just come streaming in in no time. I know myself too well. Sooner than said, you'll probably find moans of periodical sadness, loneliness and sentimental thoughts all finding a place here. which leads me to whether all this is edifying for your souls and whether are my entries a place where sin cannot molest. But i cannot help but notice too, that this is my private space and i have every right to publish what i want here. Only, that i misappropriate not the liberty i enjoy. So.. i guess i'd just post this entry up... and for the above, i'll just put them as private entries. Electronic diaries are a strange thing. For one, the motives behind having one is already so conflicting. U want to open up to other people about your life, you, you..and everything about you. Yet, there is this restrain in putting up certain entries which you have painfully and honestly wrote. It could be for fear that when people read it, they would think you as a hypocrite. [which i believe everyone is, thru and thru, it's just how well one conceals it] and probably for fear of stumbling, for the bible once said that if you were to stumble anybody, you would be better off hung a millstone around ur neck and drowned in the deep blue sea.[rite, im paraphrasing it, but u get my drift.] And there is also, a few deep things within your heart that you are unable to share with the rest of the world, or even your closest bestest friend..whatsover, just because... you can't.
That's what your 'other half' or 'soulmate' is for.
debbie
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Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
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"In this world, there are only two tragedies.
One is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
The last is much the worst, the last is a real tragedy!" - Oscar Wilde
Been putting off cutting my hair for like...ages. Perhaps it's the dread of snipping off my lovely long locks (alliteration!) or perhaps it's the thought of getting some inexperienced hairdresser who snips like there's no tomorrow... and I walking out like the fizzed out product of some hair experiment gone wrong... Perhaps it's the fear of the unknown (like how im gonna look like...will my kazillion suitors leave me like my long locks) or just a foreboding sense of doom because i've never come out of any hair salon looking prettier than when i went in. Therefore, i decided to cut my hair in the holidays... at least, even after my hair doesn't look alright right after the cut, i've still got a few more days to grow back my lost beauty... =p So it is... Debbie the gorgeous has cut her hair...and has ended up as Debbie the pretty. I am demoted.
Well, at least i still have some of my hair... it's not very short like how i've did it for the past few years (4 to be exact) ... i've only cut a fringe. That is bad enough... to ruin my saucy life of seventeen...i would count it one of my worst crisis ever! *throws her arms up in exasperation* Well... The fringe looks a little bit too short for my liking though it touches my eyebrows... and my hairstylist ( well... hairdressers and hairstylist are very much the same... they dun dress ur hair very well, neither do they style it very much... they haven't got much style too...ahh, maybe that explains why...) layered my hair...and straightened it with the straightening iron !!! *puke, puke, puke, triple puke..yuck.* Great...now i look like Kelly, Sally and Mary... i look so common!!! with a fringe that any other hairdresser would have given, straightened layered hair that looks suspiciously like rebonding.. i look commonplace. Like some product off the wig manufacturer... and the fringe is horribly spastic. i most certainly suspect that around 60% of the whole female population of singapore sport the exact same hairstyle that i do...goodness... that's even worse than arriving to a gala with 3 people wearing the exact same dress as yours! Thanks to my dear hairstylist... i probably look like some bald person now, trying most desperately and frantically to make a piece of black cloth look something like hair. Originality has died...Individualism is probably as prevalent as chivalry..which is..non-existant. Though i dun look that bad, my father actually said i looked nice ( something which he hadn't said in a decade ) ...i just feel horrid to look common. My thoughts are probably reflected in the words of Lillie Langtry (one of Oscar Wilde's lovers) :" You have made me pretty; I am beautiful." Some people are really narcissists, while others are just clever fakes.
Ah yes, back on to some details of the day. My trip to the library has been most unfruitful. It seems that one can never find any books in the library...(no wonder people tend to buy more and borrow less these days...) Books are either missing, on loan, in reference ... or placed in obsure places like the Repository Used book collection ( which no one knows where it is...) or the National Reference library... or the Student Reference centre...of which all seem like the 3 points of the Bermuda Triangle... Hmm..i was trying to find a few books. The first is my personal favourtie - Life, love and high marks by Kate Brookes... if you haven't read it, you ought to! Erm, a side note though. If you are a guy, the utility (or in layman's terms, satisfaction) derived from this book could diminish most rapidly and exponentially... you probably could get about only 30% satisfaction. Tried and Tested. I didn't think my brother was that interested. Change that to 0% satisfaction. It would probably do guys good to get their grubby hands off the book. Yes, on to weightier matters... i tried to find southeast asian and international history books. Both attempts failed miserably. There was probably none to begin with. Either that, or everything is in the reference section... which makes me wonder why is there a library in the first place. I was also unable to find Shakespeare's Anthony and Cleopatra, and Wuthering Heights by Emily Jane Bronte. i absolutely cant believe it, these are such famous books, and the library doesn't even have it? What happened to the good ol' days where u can easily find Charles Dicken's Great Expectations off the shelf, easily and most accessibly? The same shelf could most probably be crowded with Harry Potter, J.R.R. Tokien... and the Princess and Nanny Diaries... (I cant find Adrian Mole's diary though...=P) Yes, the same probably goes with Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice and Sense and Sensibility. They were totally out of sight... and most probably out of the minds of the young people today. Goodness... and i would seriously flip if i were able to find Louisa May Alcott's series ( little women, little men, good wives, jo's boys...)... In short, i was unable to find everything that i originally wanted and went to the library for. Not even those self-help GP books.. I even searched for one of them from their online catalogue!! Tsk, what's the whole point of labelling books when nobody puts them into place after reading? Sheesh, no wonder nobody really visits the library nowadays....we cant even borrow what we're looking for! I wonder if you have read about the library's plan to launch this huge campaign to encourage more people to visit libraries.. well, it would certainly do them well to be more organized ..
That ends my huge rant for the day..which isn't really that huge.
debbie
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Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
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Thursday, February 13th, 2003
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If i had a choice, i would have chosen not to write this entry today. I have far too little time, far too many assignments and i had meant to use the time to do my revision today. However, what happened today opened the gates of wrath which had been locked ever since i've been converted. If i were not converted, i would be spewing vulagrities, cursings and swearings out of my mouth at the speed of light. I have never been so embarassed. Even when i remember incidents of embarassment over the years, none of them have been so severe as to cause me embarassment, then anger and frustration, and now disappointment and sadness. I feel no peace, but that my heart within me continually rage and there are no words to contain my anger.
I was with my friend at the cafeteria today. Then she had to rush to the library for some stupid reason. So i had to follow on as she didn't want to go to the library alone. so i just grabbed my bag and started half walking, half running with her to the library. Unbeknownst to me, my bag wasn't zipped. so the contents of my bag fell out, almost all of it, right in front of a group of guys. In a circumstance like this, you would expect that the guys ( yes, this whole group of guys ) would help me pick it up or something because all my stuff is spilled out everywhere right in front of them. But no. They DID NOT help me at all, but made farnie jokes and comments, all the time LAUGHING at me. they kept laughing at me. they kept laughing at me.
for some, i know it seem like a small matter. But i was so angry. i mean like, does it hurt so much to help a girl who needs help? and what are you laughing at anyway? is the action of picking up my books so farnie ? or izzit how my books fell to the floor from my bag right in front of you ? You joke, of how things like that always happen in the movies, whereby the female lead drops her books and then the male lead comes over to pick it up and then their eyes meet and they fall in love ( yes, that's exactly what i heard that they said ). i mean like... wat's ur point ? [im sorry, i just cant articulate what i am thinking now because i am so angry and so sad. things like that happen when wrath clouds your mind...] so what if they do and so what if they dont? so, sue me if im wrong in discerning the psyche of immature guys, but u did not help me but instead made fun of me because if you help me then you will be deemed as trying to be the 'knight saving the damsel in distress' ?
It seems like this incident has left quite a deep impact on my perception of guys. i thought guys at your age (17) would have already wisened up or at least, learnt a few ground rules on ettiquette. Apparently, it seems that you have not done so. I see no sign of a gentleman in you all. There is not even the basic urge to be helpful. It doesn't even matter which gender you help. No courtesy, no generosity, not even a tinge of sincerity. you laugh like it's the funniest thing in the whole wide world when someone goofs up in front of you, but have you ever considered the feelings of the person, you inconsiderate jerk? If i had ever believed in evolution, you would have to be the missing link between humans and apes. But then again, it seems that i am mistaken for even apes have a basic instinct in them to care for other fellow apes. you, apparently, do not have that quality. Thus, if you don't have the characteristics of a human or an animal, then i guess the closest example that i can find to fit your description would be that of dung. Yes, because you are as offensive and repulsive as dung. Woe be unto the girl who falls in love with you for love is blind and she would be devastated when she finally opens her eyes on her wedding day when she falls down in front of you and you laugh at her.
i once learnt the lesson of not giving generalisations of the general public just because someone else accidentally steps on my toe and forgets to apologize. This is, however, not the case. It is intentional, and it is deliberate to cause emotional hurt and harm to another human being. It would have also been unfair to marr the image of guys in jc just because of what an insensitive jerk has done. Thank God that i have seen enough guys in jc before i met you, to know that you are certainly, not very much of one.
I hate you for triggering my wrath, i am so embarrassed, angry and sad now that i cant even find a word that completely describes my mood now. That's why you see the word 'cynical' there... If there was 'sarcasm', it would be here too. It's been a long time since i've felt like that.
Now you know what it feels like to have dung thrown in your face.
debbie
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Thursday, January 2nd, 2003
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Today is quite a horrible day.
The journey to SA seemed the same as the journey to crescent. I take the same time, reach almost the same destination... and meet almost the same people too. That's quite a dread. To meet the same people again gives a sort of mixed feeling because it means that you're gonna be stuck in the same kind of ungodly circumstances and situations again. The culture was... very casual. Too casual sometimes...i sometimes wonder if they know when is the right occasion to be serious and formal and when to be farnie and jokey. They speak very casually to the teachers and even the principal... though i know it just means that they are very familiar to each other... but sometimes, behaviour like that could be easily mistaken by a newcomer as someone who has no discernment on when is the right time to behave, when to be formal, respectful and polite and when to start laughing and crack stupid spastic and lame jokes.
My OG (Orientation Group) consists of abt 6 guys and 17 girls.
My OGL (orientation group leader) paired us up.
And i just soooo have to get stuck with a chinese high communist. URGH. of all people....of all schools...why chinese high...... ?
Anyway... he's shown some chivalry himself lahz...i'll give him credit for that.
We had to play a game. and for this game, the partners have to sit with each other.
so we sat next to each other.
then, we had to hold hands...
well...i was kinda lost...( vaguely remember me telling minzhi that if any guy comes within 1m radius from me, im gonna scream"get away from me!!" ), and now, not only do i have to sit next to a guy, i have to hold hands with him too...argh.
but, i commend his chivalry man, i didn't know what to do ( i mean like...what kind of a girl puts out ur palm to wait for the guy to put his hand on urs ? ) so, he just stretched out his hand and waited for me to put my hand on his. yah. so i held his hand.
den...we're supposed to close our eyes and if a walking pair taps us, we have to run after them ( something like duck duck goose ) .. and all the while, i was sooo worried...like, what if he runs soo fast and i run too slow and fall down in front of them ? argh. But thank God we weren't chosen... but for that few mins, we were holding hands and shivering (the auditorium was sooo cold man....). Haiz..... and that's the first time i've held hands with a guy.
and if u think that's bad....there's more.
den, we were supposed to stand up and do this arts faculty cheer. and what does that cheer involve? Everyone gathers in a circle, put each other's arms on each other's hips and shake ur butts. As if holding hands aint bad enough. So, in 1 day... the same guy both held my hand and put his arm around my hips. Oh dread.
and den... we were supposed to exchange handphone numbers too........well, we didn't do it until the lastest minute.....haha.........doesn't show much of a partnership does it? and we didn't exactly exchange hp numbers too....like, both of us fished out our handphones...den he gave me his number and ask me to sms him my number...oh like how sincere is that? Ahwellz.......communists.........
well.....was at crossroads today. somehow, for a while, i was a little interested in the subject 'divinity'... couldn't really make up my mind until i called doris and she told me not to take it coz it might just stumble me. Thank God for doris. ahwellz.......and for a final blow.......i leaked today (as if today wasn't bad enough... someone should console/ comfort me for the trauma i suffered today man...) yah...dunno lorz..... it was just sooo heavy today....and it leaked....and it stained my skirt. oh like how clever is that man...but sooo thank God that the stain happened either in the bus when i was going home in, or when i was waiting at the bus-stop for the next bus. so...i guess not many people saw that... well, i was kinda freaked out by that...that's the second time in my whole 16 years that a leak and a stain occured... and i did not have to sweater to tie at my waist to hide it...so, i just turned my skirt such that the stain now appeared at my side instead of my behind. thank God it rained at my destination. I ran almost all the way home... the raindrops fell on my skirt too...making 'stains' in a way...and i guess, with so many dots, u cant really see which is water and which is blood...unless u are very near me...so...thank you God, for the weather.
well....that marks the end of today.
i dread tomorrow.
They said that they are gonna play water games tmrw. with my period?? die...like....i dunno lahz.. i really dunno what to do. they said to bring a dark sch t-shirt ( but i gave my only dark sch-t-shirt to abigail already..the crescent council t-shirt) and my shorts are like green? so like how obvious is it when i get splashed with water and blood runs down my legs ? oh like sick. Tomorrow, the 'dance of faith' starts...oh like how blasphemous is that.
and guess what...on saturdae, there's this event called 'Celebration of Life'..it starts at 6.30pm and ends at 9.30pm. That's exactly yf time. and i have to be there at yf too coz it's elections and agm. and u know what are they gonna do ? 'Celebration of Life' is a disco party. Oh like crazy...and they said that attendence is compulsory. Like that's so nuts man...who would miss yf for this kind of a stupid thing like disco ? i don't even know or like disco! im gonna speak to my ogl about this. im gonna tell her that i really cannot attend this meeting even though it's compulsory.
and u know what? on tuesday, that's the last day of our orientation... we have this event called 'Sainterification'. That's quite blasphemous again. It's from 1730 (5.30pm) to 2200 (11pm) ...hmm......so let me guess...what do people do around this time of the night? if my guess aint wrong, i can say, it's disco again.. and i will not go for this too.
ahwellz.......what am i gonna do tomorrow?
I have no idea.
All i know is to start praying. Now.
i am soo afraid... im soo afraid that my my faith will be stumbled. i saw the vicar today from the chapel of ressurection. all he said today was a prayer for the morning. and even for that, i had to really scrutinise his words. and now, im afraid that i would pray wrongly.
for my group time today, we had to share on personal things of our lives...well, not exactly share, but give 3 things about ur life that nobody knows. so for my last item, i said that i am a Christian. Yah... i guess, i really have to watch my own testimony now.
I am also very afraid that i might become a Peter. Someone who talks big but in real fact, doesn't do it. Peter said that even if Christ is caught, he will not deny Christ and even will follow him to jail. but instead, he ran away and denied Christ 3 times. I just really pray that i can hold to my faith for the 3 monhths that im there.
i am soo afraid.
" Fear thou not; for i am with thee: be not dismayed; for i am thy God: i will strengthen thee; yea, i will help thee; yea, i will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness. " Isaiah 41:10
" But now thus saith the Lord that created thee. O Jacob, and he that formed thee, O Israel, Fear not: for i have redeemed thee, I have called thee by thy name; thou art mine.
When thou passest through the waters, i will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee. " Isaiah 43:1-2
May God grant me comfort and peace through these verses.
It's just so lonely to be alone in that jc.
But i shall not fear, for i know that God is with me, and after these 3 months, if i continue to rely on him, to seek his grace and mercy in preserving me from the wiles of the devil...i know that i shall come forth, purged as fine gold.
debbie
God bless you and keep you.
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gooeygoofygoo's journal
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